|
[14 Apr 2007|04:09pm] |
|
I don't know what it is. But I just can't bring myself to trust him. Its something in his eyes.
|
(inspire me)
|
| Tom Meighan, please come take me away... |
[05 Oct 2006|02:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 okay |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Charlatans UK--Forever |
] |
Alright, I've been having dirty dreams about Tom Meighan. I just can't help myself. Ever since we met him after the concert, I've wanted him badly. Besides, since boys in the real world are useless and pathetic, maybe its time for a good fantasy guy.
mmm <3
|
(inspire me)
|
| the male sex SUCKS |
[03 Oct 2006|10:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kasabian--British Legion |
] |
All of the bastards I've been dating are worthless. I was just having fun and all, and I don't want to get serious with any of these people. However, that does not mean that I should still date them and put up with BULL SHIT. I don't deserve to be treated like I'm unimportant. Like making plans with me and then not calling me back? Or deciding hanging out with your friends is a better idea and cancelling? Fuck them. Fuck all of them. It will be worth the lonliness to get rid of all of these stupid mother fuckers and start over fresh. Or maybe I'll be celibate for a while. God knows it will be good for me. None of those tiny penised, zero skills little boys deserve to even come close to touching me.
|
(3 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| Would you lie with me and just forget the world? |
[08 Sep 2006|10:52am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Snow Patrol--Chasing Cars |
] |
I've been really proud of the way I've been handling my situation with Josh. I let msyelf be really upset about it for a little while, and then I put it behind me. I've kept my distance from him while still staying close to him, or as close as I'll let myself get anyway. I know that I'm going to end up being hurt somehow and I've accepted that. I'm almost positive he's moving to California. That sucks more than I can possibly put into words, but I want him to be happy and I think that him leaving is the only way for him to achieve that. I keep my emotions in control most of the time. What hurts the most is when I see him. Its like I get a little taste of what things would be like if circumstances were different. Being with him would make me so happy. I'm constantly in awe whenever we're together. I love being able to sample that, but when I come back to reality on my way home I crash. I have to let go of all that over and over again everytime I see him. Its usually only takes me a day or so to recover and move on, but still. It hurts.
Last night he was venting to me about his confusion over everything, which I don't really mind. I actually like that he feels he can vent to me. But knowing how he feels makes it even worse. He told me last night that he'd been wanting to find someone like me for a long time, and if things were different he would have already jumped into something serious with me. And I would have done the exact same thing. We're both being held back. But maybe this is how things are supposed to be. Maybe I'll appreciate our future, whatever it is, even more since we've gone through so much.
I don't know. I had to vent. I try not to talk about it too much because saying what I feel out loud just makes it more raw. The thing is that I don't regret meeting him. I couldn't be more thankful that fate somehow decided to bring us together. Even if it does mean that I have to go through a little pain.
|
(1 inspiration | inspire me)
|
| In the words of Syd Barrett |
[21 Aug 2006|01:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
lonely |
] |
From A Saucerful of Secrets...
It's awfully considerate of you to think of me here. And I'm most obliged to you for making it clear that I'm not here.
|
(inspire me)
|
| ? |
[03 Aug 2006|10:23pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Nelly Furtado--Promiscuous |
] |
I feel like my parents hate me. I know that I'm not home as much as I should be, but I've been trying harder lately. Its like whenever my mom sees me she gives me this look of disgust before warming up to me and asking how my day was. I don't know. I'm probably just feeling a little guilty. I love my family and I don't want them to think otherwise at all. I just really like having my freedom and alone time. But I certainly don't need as much of it as I take. I'm just going to continue to try harder to make them realize that I still love them.
On another note, he finally called me. Thank the fucking stars in heaven. Its such a blow to your self-esteem when a guy doesn't call you back. But he did, and now I'm going to take it easy. There's no need for me to get so worked up. Obviously, slow is the right way to take it with this guy.
|
(4 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| oh no |
[03 Aug 2006|04:09pm] |
|
Amber, I think I'm in love with that guy from Taking Back Sunday too. I don't even rememer his name! Adam...? I saw one of their vids today and he was just so incredibly attractive. D-A-M-N.
|
(3 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| AAARRRGGGHHH! |
[30 Jul 2006|05:44pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
annoyed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Hinder--Lips of an Angel |
] |
whyyyyyyyyy?! why can't i stop? i'm flippin obsessed!
i hate fucking waiting around. if you're not fucking interested then fucking SAY SO. i won't continue to wait on him. its as easy as deleting his number from my phone. end of fucking story.
|
(8 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| You've lost that lovin feeling |
[29 Jul 2006|08:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Fray--Over My Head |
] |
It's gone. I have no room left in me to love Tim anymore. I almost broke up with him yesterday, but I just didn't have the heart to do it. The poor guy is going through so much right now, and I don't want to be the final straw, you know? The thing that pushes him over the edge. Its been fucking hard though. I hate having to sit and endure more and more time with him when my heart isn't in it. I literally have to force myself to not cry and put a somewhat agreeable look on my face when I'm with him. I know I'm going to do it, its just a question of when. Will there ever be the right time? I'm beginning to think not. Its never the right time to break up with someone. Yesterday felt like the right time for me, but it definitely wasn't for him. To comfort myself yesterday, I told myself I would break down today and tell him that I've been with other people. But I think that's the easy way out, and it would hurt him even more. I don't want to pussy out and give him a reason to break up with me when I already have plenty of reasons to break up with him. I can't go on like this. Not when I know that there are other people out there who I could be enjoying my time with instead of enduring it.
The thing that really prompted me to do this ASAP was seeing Patrick for the first time in a year this past week. All I can say is WOW. I was fucking stupid not to get more serious wiht him last year. He is amazing. And he makes me feel so good. Not to mention he has one of the sexiest fucking bodies I've ever seen. I've never been more attracted to a guy. The ironic thing is, our places are switched this time around. I'm the one who's pining for him, and he's a lot more passive. I don't blame him. I was probably a little bit too passive with him last year, and now he must feel guarded. I'm paying for my stupidity last year, I really fucking am. I plan on talking to him about it and apologizing for my disinterest, but not too soon. I don't want to freak him out by getting all emotional when I barely know the guy. But I'm missing him like crazy right now, and it's so pathetic, but I'm constantly checking my phone to see if he called or texted me. And I don't get like that with anyone. ::sigh::
Also, to Amber, I owe you an apology. Things got a little crazy for me since I last talked to you. A lot of bad shit went down for me financially, so I panicked and didn't call you back. I know I still owe you the money. And I will get it to you ASAP. I feel awful because we just became friends again, and here I go fucking things up as usual. If you want to talk to me about it and work something out, let me know.
|
(5 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| Whoa. |
[08 Jul 2006|06:44pm] |
Just to let everyone know I am mad at no one. Everyone is still my friend. We're all cool as far as I'm concerned.
:-)
|
(13 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| ! |
[07 Jul 2006|11:39am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 flirty |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The Subways |
] |
Toronto was pretty awesome--minus the 10 hour drive home. Every single muscle in my body is aching from driving so much. I'm taking a break from getting behind the wheel. For the next month or so, I will be forcing people to chauffer me around for once.
Anyway, I want to move to Toronto! As a dude I met there said, "it's like the california of canada." There is so much going on there. And the city is beautiful. I had no idea there were cities out there that were clean. I mean clean. Besides, it's not like I have tons of things going for me here, so Toronto is a place I will be keeping in mind for my future.
I had this crazy dream last night that involved me being suddenly pulled into a bathroom stall by a tattooed guy with all these huge muscles. I think it was random memories of the concert and the bathroom we went to at Niagara Falls still stuck in my brain somewhere. I'll go into more details about the trip later.
|
(3 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| my playlists |
[30 Jun 2006|09:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 hungry |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Kenna--Free Time |
] |
here are the songs that i want for toronto. i figured i'd just put them on here to save time and stuff :-)
Tenacious D--Inward Singing
Silverchair--Without You
Smashing Pumpkins--Tonight,Tonight
Kasabian--Club Foot
The Beatles--I Am The Walrus
Johnny Cash--Cocaine Blues
Johnny Cash--Rusty Cage
Peggy Lee--Hey Big Spender
Peggy Lee--Fever
Jimmy Eat World--The Middle
Gnarls Barkley--Crazy
Gnarls Barkley--Go Go Gadget Gospel
No Doubt--Spiderwebs
Keane--Somewhere Only We Know
Keane--Is It Any Wonder
Kenna--Free Time
Kenna--Vexed & Glorious
Led Zeppelin--Rock & Roll
Les Zeppelin--Dazed & Confused
John Lennon-The Ballad of John & Yoko Ono
Jamie Cullum--Twentysomething
The Animals--House of the Rising Sun
Norman Greenbaum--Spirit In The Sky
Thank you to whoever is making the cds! I think this is a good idea! Let me know if you need more info. I figure Cher has already covered a lot of the good stuff that I like too. Like The Beatles, Peggy Lee, Led Zeppelin, etc. So if she already has some of my songs on her list, you can disregard mine (obviously).
|
(12 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| I need more rolling on the floor laughing moments... |
[28 Jun 2006|10:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 tired |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Keane |
] |
So tired right now. My eyes are heavy and my head is buzzing with exhaustion. But its all worth it. Its been too long since I laughed as much as I did last night. It was those painful laughs--the ones where you feel like you're going to suffocate because you can't breathe and your stomach is going to explode from constant convulsions of laughter. I might have been an idiot but it was all worth it. Kelly's bird came back from the dead and everything.
Toronto is going to be great. I can't wait another week! Especially since I thought it was this Thursday. My mind has been set in anticipation to go in a couple of days and now I have to wait another week. God!
|
(8 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| an afterthought |
[26 Jun 2006|11:22am] |
By the way, seaweed is quite possibly the most disgusting thing God ever created. Wait, not just seaweed. Lakes too because they're infested with it. ::shudder::
I'll take a chlorinated, bacteria-free pool thank you very much.
|
(12 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| seriously, i feel like i'm dying |
[19 Jun 2006|08:21am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sick |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Gnarls Barkley |
] |
I think my throat might close up and then I won't be able to breathe and I'll be choking for air. I barely slept last night because I was afraid I might die from suffocation or something. I don't know why I get sick all of the fucking time, but here I am again--writhing in pain and staying as medicated as possible. The best part about this is I'm leaving for a week long vacation to the beach today. I've been looking forward to it for months but now I don't even know if I want to go. I think I'd probably be a total bitch to everyone else for not being sick and enjoying the sun. Those mother fuckers!
Here I go back to the hell known as the couch to try and withstand the muscular spasms radiating throughout my entire body. Maybe my doctor will just give me an IV full of morphine to bring along with me to the beach. Hook me up to that and I'll be one happy fucking camper.
((excuse my excessive use of the F word. I just can't help it right now))
|
(17 inspirations | inspire me)
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
bluepolystyrene's journal